Hi! I’m willing to bet you never thought you’d be in this position reading letters like ours. I can tell you that we didn’t expect to find ourselves writing a letter like this one either. Yet here we are! When I reflect on what has brought us to this moment in our lives, it is impossible to ignore that we are both coming from a place of deep heartache. I like to think that finding each other is the start of something truly beautiful and I recognize that we wouldn’t be here without first facing the challenges that have been thrown at us, whatever they may be. As parents, we truly empathize with you as you face this moment. We ask that you read this letter with an open heart and an open mind. A short letter like this can hardly tell you everything you need to know about us, but hopefully it is enough for you to want to know more.

My name is Jocelyn and my husband’s name is Ryan. We met and fell in love when we were in our upper 20’s almost 12 years ago. Ryan is an active person and if he could be moving around and playing games (any kind) all day long, he would be in heaven. I affectionately call him my Labrador and friends and family have heard me casually say, “I have to go run the lab” on more than one occasion because he is happiest when he is on the move. We met in New Hampshire while I was on a ski trip with my college friends and I fell for his incredible kindness, affection and sense of humor. He’ll tell you that he fell for my love of adventure, childlike energy, and my excellent eHarmony profile (his words ). The fact that I love skiing on moguls and hiking in Acadia National Park as much as he does is a major bonus. Being active together is one of the things that binds us together. It also doesn’t hurt that I love to experiment and try new recipes when I cook, and he will happily eat just about anything I put in front of him. Thank goodness for that because not every meal is a winner. We both work full time jobs, and we mostly sit behind our computers on workdays; Ryan is the head of the construction division at a company that designs and builds banks and I am a director at a market research agency and a self-proclaimed Microsoft Excel geek.

I would not be as active as I am today without Ryan’s influence in my life and he would not be as open to new experiences, traveling to new countries, and exploration if he hadn’t met me. One of the things I love most about our relationship is that we bring out the best in each other and we actively try to be the best versions of ourselves for each other. When one of us is down, the other pulls that person up. This is the backbone of our relationship. Our support for each other is unbreakable. I know this because our support has been tested again and again through our journey to parenthood. It took us three years, but through a combination of IVF, acupuncture and some kind of a miracle, our first son, Finn, was born. Now we find ourselves ready for a different kind of miracle and we hope for the chance of adopting a new baby to add to our family, making Finn a proud big brother.

We intend for Finn and his future sibling to grow up learning values that we hold dear, like strength of character and the importance of supporting family with compassion and empathy. We know we have the help of our tight knit network of family and friends. Our son’s grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and our close circle of friends, many of whom live within 15 miles of our house, will all have an important role to play in how our children are raised. One of our favorite annual events is Friendsgiving where about a dozen families gather at a friend’s house about a week before Thanksgiving. Everyone brings their favorite side dish (we bring sticky buns, a family tradition) and the dogs all run around outside while the children jump on the trampoline in the big grassy yard, the guys play a game of football and the ladies catch up with each other over pre-dinner appetizers. We feel endlessly fortunate and grateful that we are both physically surrounded and emotionally supported by an amazing village of loved ones.

Our son is the sunshine in our world and raising him has been the most singularly rewarding experience of our lives. He is sweet, energetic, creative, resourceful and already excited at the idea of becoming a big brother (at least in as much as he can understand what that means at 2 ½). He cannot get enough of trucks, cars and generally all things that go. To say he is passionate about trucks is an understatement. Every night before bed we tell him another story about the adventures of three best friends: the fire truck, flatbed truck and garbage truck. It takes some creativity, but one is always coming to the rescue of the others to help save the day. It goes without saying that we want our son to have a lifelong friendship with a sibling who will always have a bond to him, wherever life takes them both. We also want to add some more characters to our stories. We look forward to learning about his future sibling’s favorite hero of the day. 🙂

We live in a house up on a hill overlooking a river. We like to think of our house as a sort of adult treehouse with lots of windows and the forest all around us. The river below is slow moving and wide and more often feels like a meandering lake. We are fortunate that our home provides a yearlong source of entertainment and enjoyment. We hang out in and around the river in the spring, summer and fall and ice skate on it in the winter. It is a place for our friends and family to gather, whether taking a walk on the adjacent trail system, sitting by the fire down by the river, or watching the wildlife while lounging in the hammocks. We started teaching Finn to swim this past summer. Finn’s favorite activity was to stand bravely on the edge of the inner tube in his lifejacket, count to 3, then jump into the water! Our dog, 50 lbs. of black and white furriness, lives to chase balls or sticks thrown into the water and to search for green and brown frogs along the water’s edge. Not a day goes by that we don’t feel gratitude for where we get to spend so much of our time together as a family.

Living in NH you must love and embrace the winter, something we thoroughly do! A typical winter weekend consists of Ryan and I packing the car full of ski gear and warm clothes on Friday night, then scooping up Finn from daycare to start our road trip up to the ski mountains. This year we expect to spend a lot of our winter weekends in Rangeley, ME where Ryan’s parents have a lake house near Saddleback mountain. We are so excited to get Finn out on skis for the first time this year! When not learning to ski Finn will get to spend time with his grandparents, building towers out of blocks, driving the big toy crane truck and fire truck that live at their house and reading with them bundled up under the covers.

I can imagine as you read about another family’s life in this context it must feel surreal. What you are going through right now very well could be the toughest thing you’ve ever done. As parents, we know what it feels like to put our son’s needs before our own needs and, though difficult at times for us, we wouldn’t have it any other way. Acts of selflessness, like this decision you are making, can be painfully hard, but I hope you feel comfort knowing that they are also endlessly rewarding to your child and that you can feel comfort knowing that your child is in a happy and safe home full of laughter and love.

These are the types of questions that I imagine would run though my head if I were in your shoes: Will my child be raised in an environment where (s)he will be taught values that are most important to me; honesty, kindness, resilience and the importance of family? Will my child have many opportunities to thrive doing what (s)he loves and have experiences that will shape her/him? Will my child’s adoptive family provide a loving home with the right balance of structure and freedom that will allow my child to grow into the type of person I can admire and feel proud of? If these questions resonate with you, know that these are the types of things we think about as we raise Finn. If you decide on selecting Ryan, Finn and I to be your child’s adoptive family, then know that these are our goals and we will do our very best to deliver on them.

We recognize and respect that a big part of your child’s identity will always be linked to you. If you choose us, then we want you to know that you and your values will always have a place in our conversations and our hearts, for without you, we would not have the miracle of two children to raise, love and cherish. In that situation, we look forward to figuring out how best to navigate an adoption plan with you and welcome hearing your thoughts on open adoption.

Finn has brought us immeasurable joy, laughter and love. It is such a reward to watch Finn grow and figure things out, watch him learn his words and start to control his impulses. Raising him is truly my favorite thing I’ve ever done and getting to do it with Ryan as my partner is a dream come true. We know that the addition of a second child will bring our household exponentially more joy, laughter and love and we just can’t wait to welcome another family member to our little clan.

We hope you will consider us as you decide about the kind of life you want for your child.